Out of left field

I know I don't talk about Eric much these days publicly and many friends I have made in the last 8 years don't know how he died.  I think by talking non stop for 5 years in one venue or another I got to a point where I just didn't want to do it anymore.  At least not for the general public.  I have often wondered if all we did had an impact on maybe even one person.  The other day I had a PM on Facebook from a girl who knew Eric in middle school.  I was somewhat nervous about why she wanted to contact me.  To this day I feel we don't know everything that happened in that school and there is a part of me that doesn't want to know.  What I do know is heartbreaking and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to hear any more.  So when I saw I had a message this morning I was literally holding my breath.  But I ended up being so happy to read what this girl had to say.  I now know that those 5 years weren't wasted.  Someone heard what we had so say and has carried it with them.

I teach Special Education at Sparks High School. Prior to that, I've had the opportunity to teach in Ecuador, Zanzibar, and Scotland. Usually when a teachable moment comes along I share Eric's story. Many students don't really believe that a lot of little things can add up to a lot, even for themselves and students even younger. I don't remember a lot about seventh grade, but I remember that Eric loved to play the saxophone, that he was a brilliant writer, and that he loved the X-Files. And he was always smiling. I tell them all the things that I can remember about Eric, and remind them that he was even younger than they are. It's usually a wake-up call for many of them, and although it comes at a terrible price, every year it alters the classroom environment and expectation of community. I have shared Eric's story on four different continents, across 7 different religious backgrounds, and in three different languages. No matter where I go, his story always has the same positive impact on developing an environment of acceptance and community.

We recently lost a student at Sparks, and following the loss we had a suicide prevention training. The trainer had asked us to share our feelings or stories on the situation and how it was handled. I thought a lot about the assembly you and your husband were a part of. Even then as a seventh grader, I recognized how difficult it must have been, but it really did change so many people. It was definitely a safe avenue for us to learn about not just Eric, but suicide as a whole. I did not have the chance to share to that at the time as many others needed to talk more specifically about the loss of the Sparks student.

Later in that presentation, a page with pictured came up entitled "Suicides aren't just Statistics". I was stunned because Eric's picture was front and center. It was that same photo I remember of him with his saxophone. I couldn't believe it, a student I had talked and thought about for years, and there he was. I realized I hadn't looked at a picture of Eric since seventh grade in spite of sharing his story, but I knew his picture instantly.

I waited until after the presentation to ask about the picture, and she told me about the awareness and prevention you and your husband had always done. She said you were on Facebook, and that you would like to hear the story.

I can't remember her name (Anne maybe?), but I hope it is okay to have sent this. I don't want it to make you sad, but I know that's probably something that doesn't ever go away. I just wanted you to know that what you and your husband did for us all those years ago following your loss had such an impact on so many people. In turn, it taught me how to talk to my students about it, which in turn has helped change their attitudes. I thought it was really interesting how Eric's picture was there after all those years. So I just wanted to write and say thank you for everything. When I was in Zanzibar, I lived with the Masai tribe. After telling some of my student who were Masai his story, they told me that their tribe believes people only die when the people who remember them and the places they visited no longer exist, so the more people who share is story, the longer they will live.

Thank you again for everything. I hope things are well wherever you are now!

-Stacey

Pretty amazing huh?  For those who don't now Larry and I are founders of a suicide prevention group in Douglas County, Nevada.  We spoke at school assemblies, civic functions, school groups, health symposiums, paramedic and firemen groups and many more.  We also testified repeatedly before the Nevada State Legislature more times than I can count.  It was with a bit of trepidation moving back to the area where we were so involved in all these efforts.  I am NOT a good public speaker and I have no desire to be, but once we get settled it would be nice to see all the people we worked with all those years ago.  They are some of the finest people we have ever met.

Comments

[katie]

Wow, that is quite a story. Who knows how many people that gal has talked to and how many lives have been changed and how many lives have been saved?
You do so well sharing here, don't be hard on yourself, just do things at your own pace.
Hugs.
Katie

[madeline St onge]

WOW that was so nice of her to contact you Cindy. I am sure yours and Larry's hard work has saved many, ((((HUGS))))

[Jules Eickmeier]

As I read this, tears started rolling down my cheeks. What a loss and for it what a gain. I've always believed that one person can make a difference and, in your case, you, Larry and Eric have all made such an impact and made such a difference as this young woman's testimony proves.

[Lisa]

Oh my Goodness.....I'm stunned, shocked and really at a loss for what to type in my reply? Oh Cindy, I am so sorry and I never knew this and did not know you during this time.

I have always admired you in many ways and NOW, I do so even more for being a founder of such a caring group. As a Mom, it breaks my heart every time I hear anything about a teen suicide and I can't even truly to begin to imagine the pain and hurt that the loss leaves. I just know that I wish with all my heart that kids never had to experience an upset that makes them feel like they have no alternative.

Whenever I hear about a child that feels bullied or tormented by others--it truly hurts and I can't image how I would deal with such a thing if it happened to either of my boys.

You are an Angel to have been a founder of this group and to have found the courage to reach out to those who needed your support and guidance. There is no doubt that you touched many people, especially Stacey. Her letter is proof of that and I'm sure it's very bittersweet for you and Larry.

I do HOPE you will find some comfort in re-connecting with those people who you found so dear during what must have been a horrific time in your life. I have no words to explain how much and how deeply it upsets me, whenever I hear about a child that has been suffering and takes his/her own life...it's devastating and even thought it has not been something I have personally experienced, it still breaks me heart...! It seems to be getting worse and that is so scary...! When I read or hear a news story , I feel so sick to my stomach, just as I do trying to explain my heartfelt feelings to you...nothing makes sense and I feel it's all very sad and pray for the families and children who are so deeply touched by this tragedy. The suffering must be incredible....and unbearable...

Bless your heart and thank you for sharing such a personal tragedy......I don't even know what to say...other than I'm am so so very sorry.

Hugs,
Lisa